As an adult living with PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, that I received courtesy of the United States Navy, I frequently thought about how could I explain to my children or help them understand this disability. I could see in their eyes their fear, their tribulation of what is coming next and their hope that today would be a better day. My children are all adults now and my family is broken. I am not able to discuss with them as an adult to another adult of what it is like being me. Instead, I created this book to help mend my children’s hearts and pray for their forgiveness and understanding. Most people would say that my children were lucky. They never wanted for food, always had a bed to sleep on and a mother who never left them. But looking back, I know that was not enough for my children. They wanted their mother. They needed their mother to feel compassionate and hold them to make their pain go away. Instead, my childhood did not prepare me to be an emotionally present mother. I grew up a ward of the court, on the streets, in the Job Corp and later in the United States Navy. I never knew a mother who could help me with my homework, teach me to take care of myself, to trust my instincts and to not trust so blindly. Instead, I grew up with being alone and questioning what was my purpose. I do have to admit. My mother always said, “Get your education, never give up, and be somebody.” When my mother passed away at 52 years old, I was 25. And for the first time, I really knew what it was like to not have my mom. I dedicate my story to her, because she did the best she could with what she had. As I have forgiven myself, that I too did the best I could with what I had.
I hope this first book, Nana Knows-Nana’s Helping Hand with PTSD due to be released by December 1, 2014 will help mend; prevent broken families and educate those who just don’t get it. It takes patience, compassion and lots of love to have a family member with PTSD. The journey is not easy, asking for help is almost impossible, the embarrassment of not being “Normal” and being called “Crazy” lingers in my mind every day as my comrades and those who have fallen to this hidden disability do. So with my PTSD struggles, I earned a Master’s degree, I never gave up and I still hope I am somebody to someone. When the “Right To Work” came into existence, I knew I could not stop believing and having faith that I still had a lot to contribute and a whole lot of livin to do.
Now, I am a Nana to four amazing beautiful grandchildren. I do not see them very often and I wish I could turn back time to when my children were little. That I could share with them the wisdom, the love and the unconditional love I have learned in the past ten years. Since I cannot, I hope one day my grandchildren will enjoy and learn from the series, Nana Knows. My legacy is with them and they in turn will leave an imprint in this world. How do I know? My mother told me so.
No longer Just Miranda,
I am “Living Disabled, I am, “NOT Dead”. I am still here.
I am Anita Miranda.